This is what my desktop looked like the other day. Yup, it was a mess. Gavin my son took one look at it and said he wanted to kill himself. What can I say? It was bad. The sad thing is, I would say most of the time it looks this way. I have a drag and drop problem. I totally work from my desktop and I drag and drop everything there. (Big sigh!)
There are places in my house that look just the same. I'm guilty of dragging and dropping in every aspect of my life. My bedroom right now looks like I'm fighting for a prime time spot on the weekly show, "Hoarders." My study looks even worse. My desk down in my kitchen can't stay free of clutter for five seconds. I never have to dust the wood. You can't tell the desk is made of wood. It looks like it's made of a conglomerate of junk.
I finally cleaned up my computer desktop. Spent an entire day organizing it. Now it looks like this.
Now just look at both pictures. Sit for just a minute with each and ask yourself how you feel when you look at one picture verses the other. I know how I feel when I sit and look at the top photo, I too, like Gavin, want to tie a rope around my neck and fall from the nearest tree. With the top photo, my soul feels heavy, disoriented, and split into a million different directions. When I sit and look at the clean version, everything feels lighter.
So my question then is why do I allow it to get that way? The last few weeks I've been seriously analyzing why "THINGS" have such power over me, why they pile up, why they take over. I want to know. The older I get the more I long for a life that is quieter, simpler, and more minimilistic.
So today I started. I'm throwing things out! I'm refusing to let "STUFF" control my life any longer. I think of that book by Peter Walsh, "It's All Too Much!" I bought it. I read it. Today I'm following his number one tip. Have the urge to purge! I'm seperating all my junk into five piles: Keep. Sell. Give Away. Toss. Fix.
I'll let you know how it goes. I can already tell it's going to be a slow process. There is one thing however I'm looking forward too, the peace that comes with less.
For the past week I've been camped out in Bear Lake. I needed some down time. I wanted to separate myself from the world and just quietly exist alone for a few days, so I ran away from home.
When I arrived at my cabin, I was surprised to find the ground a barren brown at best. I think Winter has fled and escaped to some place far away as well. There is no snow in sight and the first couple of days I was here I could have made my daily walks without a coat it was so warm. Maybe Winter needed some down time too. Maybe Winter decided to run away.
I've concluded Winter is a woman who mostly wears a frown. I'm sure of it, since after a few days of mild temperatures, she showed up again. Her air was cold and she had turned frigid. I guess she hadn't really gone far away afterall. The trees also announced her arrival, she let loose her gusty attitude, huffing and puffing, whipping every barren branch she came in contact with.
Winter must be tempermental. She hadn't been outside my window long when she started throwing things. I saw odd pieces of garbage flying through the air. Her cold front felt like she had taken on the demeanor of a bedraggled spoiled child, pouting in order to make her presence known. I could tell from the sound of things she was not happy to be back.
At night I laid in my bed and listened to her crying sounds. My rafters creaked and groaned each night. It felt like every nail was struggling to hang on to its spot of wood. Now her tears have frozen, they've turned to ice crystals, blowing everywhere. I went out to take a picture. Today I think Winter is mostly ornery and miserable.
I didn't mind her pitching her fit outside. My dense logs kept her tantrums at bay. The fire in my hearth with its rolling flames made things toasty warm and I spent much of my time in my favorite stuffed easy chair. Life felt serenely good with my fleece blanket tucked around me, a hot steaming cup of cocoa in one hand and a good book in the other. Winter could do what ever she wanted outside.
Every soul needs some peaceful time to sit and digest life. Quiet unfettered moments to sort, ponder, analyze and process those day to day occurrences that bend and shape us when we're not looking.
No emotion gets past me when it comes to living life. I seem to feel everything in a way no one else does. Maybe I'm just naive though in thinking I'm the only one who ever feels things with such omnious intensity. I have spent much of my time here seeking the spirit in my analiyzations. Today I found light in my thoughts and a great realization.
It came to me in a peculiar way. I was working on my computer when I decided to turn on some music. I've been so discouraged lately. I don't know what it is, but since my mother passed away, its like I've been groping my way through a cloud. Maybe it's time and how fleeting it feels. Maybe it's just seeing my future and wondering what path to take. Up until now my time has been spent caring for people. Before my mom died, so much of my time was spent caring for her. Before that, half my life was spent caring for my children. Now here I am in this new place that feels totally unfamiliar and I've got to say, quite a bit empty. I'm not sure what to do with my life. Suddenly I've come face to face with myself and to be quite honest, I'm not sure I like it! I have things I want to do and yet I feel guilty for doing them. Is it ok now to focus on me and not my children? I think worrying about it all, drove me away from home. I think I ran away to escape the unfamiliar.
I like to listen to music. I turned on my tunes and was meditating on so many thoughts, chewing them up and at the same time trying to swallow them whole. The music started to clear my mind. I started listening to a song by Sara Groves. And there in the sweet serene melody something came to me clearly. I am amazed at how the spirit works through music. Right then, it spoke to me with surety. Listening to the words I realized I worry to much. Right there inbetween each note was a prominant thought and I saw myself and I saw what sustains me.
I don't have anymore answers to my day to day problems than when I arrived here. I do know one thing though, there are always peaks and valleys in life and while some days the journey might seem rough, I always have a sustaining force that walks beside me. It always sees me through. It always will.
Enjoy this sweet song. I hope it brings you the same message it brought me.
I probable wouldn't take time to note this, but I love photography and I'm rarely without a camera in my hands. After reading this, I'm sorry I didn't keep my first Kodak. How does an icon like Kodak go out of business? Read the whole flipin flapdoodle story! "Photography pioneer Kodak Files For Bankruptcy."
" I think everything in life is art. What you do. How you dress. The way you love someone, and how you talk. our smile and your personality. What you believe in, and all your dreams. The way you drink your tea. How you decorate your home. Or party. Your grocery list. The food you make. How your writing looks. And the way you feel. Life is art!"
This is worth a post on my family and my personal blog. Meet Kasey and Natalie Burrell. This cute little family lives next door to my daughter Kaedell. Natalie use to be a Panunzio. She went to school with Em. Kasey is one of the Ogden City Police Officers who was seriously shot while attempting to serve a search warrant with his squad. The following letter was posted on facebook. Hope this helps.
Dear Friends and Family, I would like to take a moment of your time and tell you about a dear friend of mine and the struggles he is now facing. Most everyone is aware of the tragedy that recently occurred within the Ogden City Police Department. One officer lost his life and 5 others were wounded.
He was shot in the head and the stomach. He was in intensive care for a week and has recently been upgraded to fair condition. His recovery period could last for several months to years.
Kasey and Natalie have 2 small children ages 5 and 2, with a baby girl expected to join their family in June.
I believe it would be very unfortunate if this families financial needs were not met. I want to be able to help them and I'm asking for your help in this effort. We all have been blessed well beyond our means, but I am not asking for anything that would put a burden on your family. I am asking for whatever amount you would feel comfortable with giving to this special family.
It is times like this that not only rally a community together but it blesses us all as we help those who are in desperate need.
You can donate at any WELLS FARGO BANK
DONATE UNDER THE KASEY AND NATALIE BURRELL ACCOUNT (make checks payable to Natalie or Kasey Burrell)
THE ACCOUNT # IS 1941707455
You can also give to this account by your online banking institute: GO TO YOUR BANK/CREDIT UNION ONLINE THEN "BILL PAY" CREATE A PAYEE TO:
WELLS FARGO
PO BOX 3488
PORTLAND, OR 97208-3488
Enter the account # listed above and then the amount you would like to transfer from your account to the Burrell account.If mailing a check is more convenient they may be mailed to Superior Roofing at 3405 South 500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84114. MAKE CHECKS PAYABLE TO NATALIE BURRELL.
The quote in it's entirety is as follows and there is some real debate as to whether or not it really comes from Goethe. Regardless of who the quote comes from or whether parts of it were borrowed from one author or another, the quote has come together with truth in it's core and that is what draws me to it.
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of thiings occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now."
