I Want To Be A Cat!

I need more than 24 hours in a day. I need more Fridays and Saturdays in my week. I need more money! Serious. I need more money so Man With A Drill can slow down. And more than anything else, I need more lives than just one. I wish I were a cat. I want NINE lives! One for every dream in my heart!

Did I tell you I love life. Every fiber of it. I haven't had a chance to sit down and write for sometime and I gotta say, I love breathing and living. And I love writing about it all. And for me it's not enough to just go about each day living mundanely. NO,  I want to live  and breath pasionately, with heart and soul. Yes, passion, the kind you can feel right down to your toes. I want to taste and feel and experience all the good life has to offer up.

There are so many things I want to do, so many things I'd like to see. And I want to be good at something before I die! Not just OK, but GOOD, GREAT infact! I have always hated average. I want to really excell at something in my life. I want to leave my mark in this life. I want to leave footprints that can't be erased. The kind that are so big all of my posterity can fit inside.

I have so many things left to do in this life and I'm already 55! This is where I write, good hell!  I don't know what is wrong with me but I didn't really know what I loved until now. I didn't know what I wanted to do until now. I suppose it's because I wanted to be a mother first and foremost. And I did that. I'm still doing it, but now I finally have some time to do the things I'm personally dreaming of. I guess I've finally realized, I didn't dream past motherhood. Here I am and I'm just starting to dream of all the things I want to do before I die. And now I'm old. Gotta say it, good hell! So, I wanna be a cat. Please, God, please can I have nine lives? I love the one you've given me right now! You've given me the greatest life. And now, I don't want to sound greedy, but I want nine more, cause lets face it, I'm more than half way done in this one!

I hope Heaven is going to be fun. I'm worried. Some people are so serious when it comes to religion. You gotta admit it can be a tad boring. I hope Heaven is going to be earth life without the emenities of the hell that sometimes surrounds us here, cause sometimes this life can be pure hell. I hope when I travel from this earthly sphere and I land in the next heavenly one, I hope it's fun there and I can go on dreaming and doing all of the things I wanted to do here. And if not, then I'm going to need eight more lives to spend down here. Even that is a scanty number for all the things I want to do!

The picture you see above was taken in California on Deserey's graduation trip. I took that picture. I can't tell you how one single photograph speaks to my heart. My soul is in those waves, churning with a desire break into life and roll up on a million differnt shores.

And since I doubt I'm ever going to be a cat. I have to say, God has given me more blessings in this life than I ever deserved. So I'll be content, grateful for everything He's blessed me with and I'll pray I can make the most of my time I have left here. I hope it's a good long while. I pray he'll bless me to use my time here wisely. It's so precious. And then maybe, just maybe, someday when it's all over, I can stand in some line up in Heaven and request a re-visit ticket so I can come down here and do it again.

I love walking, living, breathing and experiencing the greatest journey ever!

Happy New Years

Today is March 19th and I haven't posted my New Year's Motto.

Last week I found this in my journal. Things I wanted to do in 2011

Revamp my blogs.

Pursue my photography, take classes, improve.
Work to get out of debt.
Organize my pictures.
Organize my life.
Clean out my house.
Get a new roof.
Tare out the water stained carpet in Seth's old room.
Finish the New Testament.

I finished two out of nine. How's that? Well, I'm working on my blogs. I'm still working on my photography, my life long goal. I'll get out of debt when I die... maybe. I am always organizing pictures. Organize my life? Ok, that's a life long goal too. Clean out my house? Another continuous goal. Hey, I did fix the roof. It's not new but it's repaired. I am sad to say, the disgusting stained carpet in the bedroom is still there. And I gave up reading the New Testament in order to go back to reading the Book of Mormon. Only because it's the choice of scripture study this year in Sunday School.

New Years Eve, I started the following post. I wasn't going to post it. But then after reading it I want to remember it. I want to remember that I changed my attitude.

_________________________________________________________________

"New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights." ~Hamilton Wright Mabie

Today is January 3rd, 2012 ---the beginning. Here I am typing on a blank page. 363 days await! It's leap year.

Every year I pick a motto. Something to inspire improvement in myself. Tonight I really sat down and looked over six years of motto's that were meant to foster change and in doing so I was sorely frustrated. I suppose it is that realization and frustration that has really inspired my motto for this up coming year.

2006- Just Do It

2007- A thing done when thought of needs no more attention.

2008- 2008 Will be great.

2009- Rise above it.

2010- Be happy.

2011- The year of great relationships.

Just for the record. I hated my New Years Motto for 2011. When I picked it the two one's standing side by side reminded me of a great relationship, the kind I'd like to have. Maybe some symbolic example of two people who move through life as if they are one. 2011's motto is a motto I will never pick again. Why? Because I am only half of any relationship. I repeat, only half!

I'm a sour grape today. Snarky would be a good description of my present attitudes. Not a good day to pick a motto. None the less, gotta keep up the tradition. In looking over the last six years and given my present snarly disposition. I've chosen something really appropriate. And I'm sticking by it.

My motto for 2012... "To Hell With It!"

Yes, you read that right. "To Hell With It." How's that for a New Year's Motto? I'm telling you it's really growing on me. Yup, this year I fully intend on taking the entire year off. In 55 years I'm giving myself a much needed break. Don't you think I deserve one? I've had my head in a self help book since I was old enough to read. I forgot to buy the one on perfectionism first. Maybe if I'd bought that one to begin with I could relax a little.

In the year 2012 I'm not going to buy one single solitary self-help book or set one single solitary goal. How's that for making sure I reach my potential. It's going to be the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm going to deliberately by pass the self-help section of any store and I'm heading right over to the fiction and romance shelves. Maybe since I can't seem to produce great changes in my own life I can read about some fictional character who does.

So there you have it, I have no intention of working on myself one bit this year. There's going to be a lot of disappointed people. I'm really excited though, and I feel a great sense of relief. Self-improvement is hard work, excruciating, grueling, labor intensified work. This year I'm going to give myself full permission to be a down right slacker. Goal setting is over rated and only for those who want to succeed. I'm sorry, besides being sour I'm also sarcastic today.

This year I'm going to embrace my imperfections. Maybe even shine them up for people. I'm going to fully be accountable to myself and myself only, well, and God of course. Some how I think He understands where I'm coming from more than anyone. He knows my heart.  I know it's sad, but this year I'm not going to get my self all in a fix over the billion and one things I need to improve on. Nope, I'm sitting this year out. I'm going to give it a rest. I need a rest. I'm tired.

So here's to 2012 and being a down right imperfect human! I know one thing, you might want to stay clear of me for a bit. This year I'm taking a sabbatical. Hallelujah, a complete year of rest from stressing over improvement. I can't wait to see how this goes. I am embarking on territory I've never seen before.

I'm also moving my writing to my own personal blog. Oh I'll still post family stuff on the family blog, but that's it. You can see where that's headed can't you?

One thing I want to do more of this year is write. I love writing! I love writing about life! I love finding a way to give the high's and lows meaning with descriptive honest words. And I want to get better at it, so I'm going to practice in my own persoanl space, a place where people can participate if they want, share opinions and insight. I love blogging.

So that's it.

Happy New Year!
Yours Truly,
Despicable Me

_______________________________________________________

I've decided to improve my attitude today. So here it is my real 2012 New Year's Motto.

Henry David Thoreau said, "To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts."  So that's it, today I'm going to live artistically. Draw my day out and live it colorfully in an artsie kind of way. I'm going to strive to make each day count. I'm going to be present in the moment because today is really the only time I have. That's it short and simple. I'm going to take life one day at a time right now. I'm going to improve how I look on life ...TODAY. I'm going to concentrate on makeing each day a good day. Sounds near impossible doesn't  it?

Little Red Riding Hood

Do you know what I'm doing right this very minute?

I'm sitting here in front of my computer like a drone!

I'm waiting.

I'm chewing my nails.

I'm stressing.

I'm deep in anticipation!

I have gotten myself hooked on a bike ride. A 50 mile bike ride through Lewiston, Utah! Some day I'm going to do the full century which is 100 miles, but not this year. I need to work up to that.

It's called Little Red and it's going to be one of the funnest things I do this year. I know, I say that about a lot of stuff I do, but it's true, this is one fun ride.

Getting into this ride is no small feat! I sat glued to my computer for over an hour. In fact five of us were glued to our computers while the minutes ticked by and it was only through helping each other that we all got in!

Three thousand, five hundred women registered for this ride. It was full in just a little over an hour. And I'm here to tell you there were more women who wanted in and didn't get in and boy were they mad.

I'm in! And I'm as happy as can be. Woot Woot! Hurry up weather! I need it to warm up so I get training!

My Life In A Frame

This is what my desktop looked like the other day. Yup, it was a mess. Gavin my son took one look at it and said he wanted to kill himself. What can I say? It was bad. The sad thing is, I would say most of the time it looks this way. I have a drag and drop problem. I totally work from my desktop and I drag and drop everything there. (Big sigh!)

There are places in my house that look just the same. I'm guilty of dragging and dropping in every aspect of my life. My bedroom right now looks like I'm fighting for a prime time spot on the weekly show, "Hoarders." My study looks even worse. My desk down in my kitchen can't stay free of clutter for five seconds. I never have to dust the wood. You can't tell the desk is made of wood. It looks like it's made of a conglomerate of junk.

I finally cleaned up my computer desktop. Spent an entire day organizing it. Now it looks like this.

Now just look at both pictures. Sit for just a minute with each and ask yourself how you feel when you look at one picture verses the other. I know how I feel when I sit and look at the top photo, I too, like Gavin, want to tie a rope around my neck and fall from the nearest tree. With the top photo, my soul feels heavy, disoriented, and split into a million different directions. When I sit and look at the clean version, everything feels lighter.

So my question then is why do I allow it to get that way? The last few weeks I've been seriously analyzing why "THINGS" have such power over me, why they pile up, why they take over. I want to know. The older I get the more I long for a life that is quieter, simpler, and more minimilistic.

So today I started. I'm throwing things out! I'm refusing to let "STUFF" control my life any longer. I think of that book by Peter Walsh, "It's All Too Much!" I bought it. I read it. Today I'm following his number one tip. Have the urge to purge! I'm seperating all my junk into five piles: Keep. Sell. Give Away. Toss. Fix.

I'll let you know how it goes. I can already tell it's going to be a slow process.  There is one thing however I'm looking forward too, the peace that comes with less.